Some of us have been through it and maybe some of us haven't. It’s never an easy time for anyone I don't think, or I'm just yet to find that couple that has actually breezed through it. What advice would you give to someone, based on your experience, who is about to go through a separation/divorce with small children. Their inner strength will always get them through but seriously what sort of advice would you give to help make this transition easier for them?
One piece of advice I would give would be to prepare even before it happens. Prepare financially, legally, emotionally, mentally and physically. (In all honesty something I never did – but certainly learnt my lesson for not doing so) Remember this is imperative to both men and women.
Preparation is the key and it’s a really great thing to do even if a separation/divorce never transpires. Find out everything you need to in order to know what is available to you and how to get it or information related to it. By delving into your current situation you are able to really come to terms with who YOU are, and also who YOU would like to be in all sorts of ways. You may through this process find out some things about yourself that you had forgotten or even something new about yourself you never knew existed. It's a very good way to gain self- esteem and inspiration to get you where you need to be. Being prepared gives you the feeling that you do have control every step of the way.
I remember when I divorced many years ago I was seriously shocked to find out that I didn’t even know what music I liked anymore and I certainly didn’t know what shows I like to watch or movies I’d even be interested in. I realised at this time just how much I had put myself on the backburner, so to speak. Today I know all of these things and soooooo much more about myself than ever before in my life. It has certainly been a great journey of self awareness. The good, the bad, the ugly and the absolutely, positively undoubtedly FANTASTIC.
By my own admission, in my ignorance and for many, many years I strongly believed that there was a very fine line between misery and loneliness and that you just have to take steps to decide which of those you would like to encounter as they weren’t emotionally very far apart. Now with a lot of experience and alot of inner reflection I have, more recently, realised the line is actually even finer between misery and happiness. Challenges we face, the hills we have to climb and the pathways we choose in our life always guide us to learn new lessons (Which sometimes can take awhile before we actually get it!) and always guide us towards happiness of some sort shape or form in the long run. As the saying goes “Out of Evil good will come”.
I really think it is important that you comment here to help others and hopefully discuss your own experience, mistakes and fortunes to enhance someone else’s experience. We are always there for each after all.
I have noticed differences in many married couples that I graciously and proudly call my friends. Some of them live together as a form of habit really. Not really in love anymore but let’s just say comfortable with the norm. Yet others who have been married for many years still emit that spark. One thing I have noticed about these couples is that throughout their marriage they have always retained time for themselves. These couples made the effort to always put some time aside for themselves, without the children, be it a night out for dinner, a weekend away or just a romantic night at home. I think this is the secret. I know if you spoke to these people they would openly say it’s hasn’t been easy but as a bystander looking in I find that that seems to be the secret to a successful marriage, the time of togetherness.
Another secret I feel is also ironically time apart. I think to have time to miss your partner rekindles your appreciation for them. It also allows you to retain your independence and do the things you like that inspire you and you alone. It is very invigorating to step away from being the mother, the wife or the carer and to be kind to yourself at the same time, albeit if only for a short time. Sometimes is always better than never.
Your comments would be extremely appreciated. Love and care always Girl E Business.xxx :)
